Straight from a special source (guess where it is!)

Apple will announce:

  • A stylus (if you see a stylus, blow a stylus)
  • Ad blocking for iOS, ushering in a new web economy and earning the opprobrium of slime everywhere
  • a Larger iPad because why the hell not and maybe a way to switch between apps with a keyboard while they’re at it
  • New laptops, because I got one 9 months ago. Specs not remarkably different, but I suffer just the same
  • That they were just kidding about force touch keyboards, and that they won’t ruin any more laptops with them
  • Force touch iphone (i.e. it clicks at you) for that Android keyboard you’ve-just-touched-a-blowfly feeling
  • A slightly better iPhone that features fewer scratches than my current one
  • AppStore Upgrade IAPs, demolishing the last stronghold of those who still have delusions of AppStore sustainability
  • That they were just kidding about the Apple Watch, c’mon, wasn’t it obvious? Upward of $500AUD for something that’s “sorta okay”?